Movie thoughts - in capsule form

Mr. Brooks -
Normally, "Lame techno-strobe-light-gun-battle" would be an oxymoron, as techno-strobe-light-gun-battles are normally kick ass. Not so much here.

Hannibal Rising -
So apparently Dr. Hannibal Lecter was a badass samurai action hero who risked life and limb to save his Japanese aunt with whom he was intimately involved. When did he ever find time to enjoy "fava beans and a nice Chianti?"

Awesome.

Sith = Sh*t spelled differently.

I just recently caught about ten minutes of the "final" Star Wars movie, episode 3. And from the ten minutes, it's finally dawned on me that if you liked ANY of the second trilogy, you're an idiot. No other movies have succeeded so much based purely on the franchise. These movies were pieces of crap, and everyone knows it, but the fan boys are too proud to admit it. Seriously, watch this and tell me what is (A) exciting, (B) well done or (C) coherent about any of it:

Any answers? The action was boring, I've had better sword fights after a night at the bar. And how could Samuel L. Jackson take a movie that made him such a wuss? And on that same note, I know Sammy can act, but he's just laughable here. Hooray George Lucas, you can spend a couple hundred million, make a couple hundred million more, all while making decent actors look like they should have played the trees in their high school renditions of "Death of a Salesman."

Wow, that feels better. But it's really f'ing infuriating typing on a keyboard with a broken spacebar.

One can only hope.

How long til this guy ends up in a Harry Potter movie?

Guh.

Well, those of you still watching (and enjoying) Lost, take heart.

I think 24 is confirmed to run for a similar length of time, which is about 4 years too much. I wonder if a show like Firefly (had people not been idiots and watched it) - which ruled for 13 episodes - had been allowed to run for as long as the creators wanted, would have eventually sucked a lot of balls?

My heart says no, but my balls... my balls say yes.

I'll give it a shot, but this is pretty gay... even for me.

I'm one of the few people I know who didn't mind Maroon 5's first album, but this single off their new one is pretty disappointing. It does have some pretty gay dancing in the video though, so that's cool.

Whoa, sorry about that.

I got a little to caught up in doing all sorts of nothing that I haven't posted here in almost two months!

Here's my thought for the day though:

It must be a really good business decision to sell warranties that — in the (not-so) rare case that you actually need to use them — require the customer to go through enough of a hassle that they don't bother using it, and just buy something new instead.

How does this relate to me? Well, my bass amp (head) just went gay, and I'm having a wee bit of a problem getting a hold of someone. Plus, their website just oozes consumer confidence ... NOT

Mmm...

My legal pad in my office smells like cookies.

[Borat]
Very nice.
[/Borat]

Oscar buzz anyone?

Well, looks like I'll be getting Cingular

I'm never going to pay off my credit card.

Jesus is listening

I've had this little gem hiding in my GMail archive for quite a while, but here it is.

It's nice to know he's out there, listening, but what happened to him that he would have to get a job as customer service at Musician's Friend?

He's got my vote.

I know this may be old news, but this is some gal-darn new age campaigning right here. In case you don't like to read more than a few sentences at a time, I'll summarize:

A reporter in Georgia was macking on a news intern at a Barack Obama press conference, when he stood up to ask a question and was mistaken for a college journalism student by the presidential hopeful, and told he had a "babyface," causing uproarious laughter throughout the room. Naturally, the reporter was not too happy about having his flavor wasted in front of such a large audience, and publicly voiced his spite for Obama.

So what does Obama do when he hears about this? He calls the journalist personally to apologize for "messing up his game." That's a direct quote. If you'd like to hear it for yourself, download the 11/19/2006 podcast of Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me (a very funny news quiz show from NPR) and fast forward to about 10 minutes in.

Awesome.

This is why I shop at Sam's Club.

While dashing to the very back of the store to grab my obscene amounts of bottled liquid, I came upon (what I can only assume) was a single mother and her two children, in the middle of a scolding session. And this is what I hear:

"How did you get syrup on the back of your head?"

I wish I was good at basketball!

"Iverson has been in exile for the past 11 days, languishing on the Sixers' inactive list while still accruing his per-game earnings of $156,218."

Your eyes might have immediately focused on the large dollar amount at the end of the above sentence. $156,218 would be a very comfortable salary, you might be thinking. But read the sentence again. Mr. "We're talking about practice" is making ONE HUNDRED FIFTY SIX THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTEEN dollars per 48 minutes of basketball he plays, and he plays that 82 times a year...

Completely ridiculous. What's even more ridiculous is that he's not even the highest paid player, currently or in the history of the NBA. No, my friends, that honor belonged to our own Michael Jordan. Who, at his peak made $10,000 per minute of court time (according to that website from the DARPANET days).

Wow.

Just, wow.

Wow because the GDP of this virtual world is $64 million, which ranks it second to last in the world. A place that doesn't even exist is ranked above a real country. I figured it was merely the volume of people spending $2 here, $5 there, but boy was I wrong...

It seems there are quite a few users in the game who have put in nearly HALF A MILLION DOLLARS. I'm probably about 45% nerd, 45% hunk and 10% beard, but that nerd part in me can't sympathize with the people operating that way in this game. Granted, there is an opportunity to make a significant amount of money as well, but who has $500,000 to invest in a startup company in a non-existent world? Not me.

Hmmm...

So while I was soaping my well-defined pectorals in the shower this morning, a commonly used exclamation from SportsCenter popped into my head.

"He's country strong."

Now, in and of itself, that doesn't tell us very much, other than that said player is probably capable of lifting large amounts of weight. But let's delve deeper.

Are Stuart Scott, Neil Everett, Dan Patrick, etc... saying he's strong because he worked on a farm and ate corn while growing up? Or are they saying (I think this is probably it), that said player is as strong as entire nation? That's one hell of an exclamation.

Are they going to start identifying which country? And if a player is bad, are they going to shout, "He is weak like Ukraine!" ??? I sure hope so.

And maybe, just maybe, they will reference a newly formed country in such an exclamation and say, "Adam Dunn, like the newly formed nation of [insert Eastern European country here], shows the World what sovereignty means as he crushes a curveball into the seats in left field."

Wow, this was much funnier in my head...

I just got all warm and fuzzy inside.

The reason.

Nope, it's not the theater.

Ok, I saw Stranger Than Fiction last night, in the theater I lovingly refer to as the "pee theater," and loved it. So, it can be concluded that I don't hate the theater, and that the Prestige and Flags of our Fathers must have actually sucked balls.

Also...

“A couple of ex-students hopped over the school fence on a weekend and went unnoticed by guards.

They managed to get on the roof of the Friary building and somehow mark on the willy. They also burnt a manhood into the grass.”

This is unnerving

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16110298/

Maybe I'll use the rest of my sick days...

It's official

Denzel Washington + Tony Scott = The Balls.